Tricks and Treats
Hello Halloweeners,
I am in a bit of a mind muddle, what with writing a sexy paranormal romance (3/4 done on Queen of Pentacles) and reading Richard Curtis' screenplay for one of my fave films, 'Love Actually' as I take breaks through the day walking my dog.
it is a gorgeous screenplay and I love the film. The Colin Firth storyline is easily the best. I love the moment (best lines in the movie, I think) when he tells his Portuguese housekeeper Aurelia:
Colin: (In English) It's the best part of my day, driving you home.
Aurelia: (in Portuguese) It's the saddest part of my day, leaving you.
That is love, actually.
My friend Roban, the building contractor who was last seen perching atop his Malibu house, hose in hand, defending his home against the elements, hired some Mexican workers outside Home Depot on Monday to clear brush off his property. He talked to the workers in decent Spanish, warning them that there was poison oak all over his property and they needed to be careful.
"Do you know what poison oak looks like?" he asked them.
"Yes, si! We know!"
Well, apparently not.
They all got it, leaving the oil from the poisonous plants all over Roban's tools. My poor unsuspecting friend picked up said tools and called me yesterday telling me he has poison oak all over his body. His face, particularly one eye, his arms his legs and even his genetalia.
He swears he wasn't diddling himself up there on that firetrap of his, but I dunno....
God punished me for laughing at him because then I got a phone call from my dad that was like a mental dose of poison oak.
So, that's when I get the phone call from my 81 year old father last night.
Have fun trickin' and treatin' and check those candies for nasties, now.
I am in a bit of a mind muddle, what with writing a sexy paranormal romance (3/4 done on Queen of Pentacles) and reading Richard Curtis' screenplay for one of my fave films, 'Love Actually' as I take breaks through the day walking my dog.
it is a gorgeous screenplay and I love the film. The Colin Firth storyline is easily the best. I love the moment (best lines in the movie, I think) when he tells his Portuguese housekeeper Aurelia:
Colin: (In English) It's the best part of my day, driving you home.
Aurelia: (in Portuguese) It's the saddest part of my day, leaving you.
That is love, actually.
My friend Roban, the building contractor who was last seen perching atop his Malibu house, hose in hand, defending his home against the elements, hired some Mexican workers outside Home Depot on Monday to clear brush off his property. He talked to the workers in decent Spanish, warning them that there was poison oak all over his property and they needed to be careful.
"Do you know what poison oak looks like?" he asked them.
"Yes, si! We know!"
Well, apparently not.
They all got it, leaving the oil from the poisonous plants all over Roban's tools. My poor unsuspecting friend picked up said tools and called me yesterday telling me he has poison oak all over his body. His face, particularly one eye, his arms his legs and even his genetalia.
He swears he wasn't diddling himself up there on that firetrap of his, but I dunno....
God punished me for laughing at him because then I got a phone call from my dad that was like a mental dose of poison oak.
Last week, my step monster called me and was upset that I had not sent her a copy of my book Phantom Lover. I explained it was gay erotic fiction and probably not her cup of tea. But she was insistent that she is 'broad minded' and since my brothers had read it, she wanted to as well.
So, that's when I get the phone call from my 81 year old father last night.
This is the conversation:
Dad: I read your book.
Me: You did?
Dad: All of it. I can't believe you sent me that book! It's hard core porn.
Me: Yes, I know.
Dad: Why did you send me this book? It's HORRIBLE.
Me: Wait a second...did you say you read it? All of it?
Dad: Yes. And it's FULL of sex. Unbelievable! Gay sex!
Me: But dad, the first sex scene is on page two. You couldn't figure out by page three where it was going?
Dad: Well...I had to finish it. It's got a story, you know. I braced myself when I saw the words fuck and cock. You use those a lot.
Me: (Screaming with laughter) Dad...
Dad: Are you writing more?
Me: Yes.
Dad: Christ, don't send them to me.
Me; Don't worry, I won't.
But he must have liked...something. He read it all!! It's like guys who buy Playboy for the articles right?
Have fun trickin' and treatin' and check those candies for nasties, now.
Aloha oe,
A.J.
A.J.
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