Current mood: contemplative

Hi everyone,

So a few days ago, I was higher than a kite, all excited about Keo, the new man I'd met. Having spent a few evenings with him having coffee, dinner at my place one night, a movie on another evening, he picked me up to take me on our first formal date and we drove to Manhattan Beach to have dinner at The Loft, a Hawaiian restaurant I have been dying to try.

It was a disaster from the second we got in his car.

"You seem down," he said.

"No, I'm fine." The truth was I'd been upset all day about that hideous tape I'd seen on the news of that psycho marine, David Mortari. The visual imagery of this monster holding a live, cuddly, adorable puppy, and saying, "Cute, huh?" to the camera before hurling the screaming puppy through the air as it bounced off rocks on a cliff before plummeting to its death, had truly devastated me.

I am an ardent animal lover and any abuse of them just about kills me. But I was determined not to let this disrupt our date. But Keo was insistent.

So finally, I mentioned the video.

"Oh, yeah. I saw that. Wasn't it just a stray though?"

 This, by the way has been Mortari's public stance.

But the fact a guy I liked could say this was beyond anything I was willing to tolerate. His hand shot across my lap. We were on the 405 freeway heading south from Los Angeles and he said, "You're not gonna jump out here, are you?"

Yes, I was. I didn't even want to be in a car with this guy. How was I gonna get through a whole meal with him?

We arrived in Manhattan Beach and things were very strained between us. He assured me he was an animal lover. "I've been nice to your dog, haven't I?"

Yes, but my cat stayed away from him. Maybe Banjo was smarter than my dog?

"Well," he said, as we took our seats. "I feel for the guy being a marine in Iraq and blah, blah, blah..."

I tuned him out, cursing myself for living in a city where you cannot walk outside and hail a taxi. I'd call one from the payphone if they had one, since I'd stupidly left my cell phone at home.

"Anyway," Keo was saying. "I know how you can get angry and take it out on animals. My ex owed me money and I was so mad, I stole his dog."

"You did what?"

He did look embarrassed - briefly. "Well, I took the dog back, but by then it was too late. He'd called the cops. I got arrested."

"Good!" I huffed.

"Don't say that. I got a felony conviction. And because of that, I couldn't join the army. Otherwise I'd be in Iraq right now."

Yes, throwing puppies off cliffs, no doubt.

I perused the menu, honestly fascinated to have discovered a genuine lunatic. An actual live, dog napper. I'm a writer, this is fodder, I decided. I've dated some prize peaches, but this one trumps 'em all.

We ordered dinner and I sat back, giving him so much rope this guy hanged himself before the lomi lomi salmon even arrived.

It intrigued me to know how dog theft could lead to a felony conviction and as he continued to tell me a ludicrous story I won't bore you with, I was able to add liar to his other list of crimes. As soon as I was safely home, I couldn't wait to call all my friends and tell them I'd  met a dog napper. This was better than the guy I dated once who got rejected by the French Foreign Legion!

I called a buddy who is a criminal defense attorney and he said for Keo to have gotten a felony conviction, the dog must either have been very, very valuable or there was more to the story.

"Probably, you should get a restraining order," my buddy said. "This guy sounds crazier than the one that pan handled outside the casino that night in Vegas."

Geez, I'd forgotten about him.

Probably, yes, there's more to dognapping story. And of course, since he is a WACKO, Keo calls relentlessly, wanting to see me again. He must have taken that glazed look of horror on my face as interest or adoration or...something.

So alas, another one bites the dust. I feel sad that something so promising could turn out to be so awful. I wish I lived near a cliff so I could kick this guy's right over the edge.

Alas, I have to be content with letting him languish in voicemail hell, a different kind of purgatory, instead.

Aloha oe,

A.J.

Currently listening : Kamahiwa: The Keali'i Reichel Collection By Keali'i Reichel Release date: 03 July, 2006