Current mood: pirate

Hi everyone,

I wasn't sure how to categorize today's musings. Friends? Pets and animals? Life? I mean, that little mash game from a few days ago got me thinking. What if there was more out there? What if I started a business? What if? What if What if???

Well, my friends and my animals are a big part of my life, so Life became today's topic. Yesterday I got an email from a friend who remarked how stress-free my life must be working from home, calling my own shots...HA!

Little does she know the troubles I've seen, as the song goes...take yesterday for example. One of my dearets friends, let's call her Jo, is a dog sitter. Her recent bout with a major illness has left her bedridden. With the economy the way it is, she was petrified of losing business, so I stepped into the breach for her.

We agreed I would take all the pet minding calls and split the income with her. I am here to tell you that I a mental midget.

I could not have made a more stupid decision, nor a more reckless promise. I didn't think this would be a difficult assignment. I mean, I have a dog and a cat and I volunteer as a dog walker for PAWS (an offshoot of APLA - Aids Project Los Angeles).

So far it's been a hassle, no more, no less, juggling my work with hers.Yesterday, that all changed.  Jo called me from her hospital bed, begging me to take care of three dogs that belong to a family who live on Benedict Canyon. Let me set this scenario up for you. One dog is a Great Dane, one is a Black Lab, the last, a demented, wacked out headcase of a mutt. A Chihuahua/Jack Russell mix called Louise.

In case I have not made myseld clear, for the record, this is possibly the worst combination of dog. EVER. Louise is even more of a mental midget than I am.

Benedict Canyon is ritzy, but perilously close to Ventura Boulevard, a major road and it is notorious for being coyote territory. My friend Jo gave me strict instructions for unlocking the front door, turning off the alarm and then, with a spray bottle of water in hand, I was supposed to release the dogs from the locked and barricaded kitchen into the backyward. She warned me that I should keep Louise inside because she is impossible to get hold of and back into the house.

Well, I got into the house, turned off the burglar alarm and opened the kitchen door. Those little buggers knocked me down and run out of the OPEN FRONT DOOR and galloped off down the street.

I got up from the floor and tore after them, tripping on a garden gnome, a hose and my own feet. I saw them careening in a pack down the canyon, narrowly avoiding fast cars zooming up the hill.

They were heading down to Ventura Boulevard. And certain death.

I got religious real quick, let me tell you. After having a mild breakdown, I grabbed some leashes, left the dront door open and I jumped in my car and drove down the street. Cars were swerving to avoid them and those three maniac dogs thought it was all a huge game.

I braked in the middle of the road, leaving my keys in the ignition, the engine running and cornerd the Great Dane who bared her teeth at me. She was frothing at the mouth from the unexpected workout she was getting.

Jane, the lunatic small dog ran past me, but the black lab allowed me to pet her and I immediately leashed her. The Great Dane, proud as punch that she'd avoided capture, pranced around us, thinking it was all such a giggle. She followed us up the hill and I made a point of walking slowly. I did not get into the car, I just walked up the hill, the Great Dane dancing around us. We got to the house and I walked inside with the lab....praying. Please, oh please, oh please...and thank God, that big dumb dog followed us in and I locked them both in the kitchen.

Two down, one to go. I left the front door open, knowing the two captured dogs were safely barricaded. Twice, that little runt Louise blew past me and I walked down the hill and found my car was still there. That was a minor miracle. I drove back to the house and saw Louise zooming by me again, closely followed by TWO COYOTE!

As I mentally worded my suicide note, I wondered how best to tell Louise's human conpanions that she'd been eaten. What do you say?

I'm sure they enjoyed it?

I'm sure it was quick? Painless? She never knew what ate her? It's all a cycle of life? She was so small she barely made a good mouthful?

In a mounting panic attack, I braked and parked and noticed one coyote had given up the chase, but the other was bent on doggie destruction. I sat in the living room sniveling, watching the gruesome floor show as it whizzed by me and then:

Louise's pea-size brain snapped into action. She ran right into the living room and I slammed the door shut on the coyote's snout.

Aaaaah-ooooo! The coyote howled, Louise peed the carpet and I hustled her into the kitchen.

Yeah, and that was just day one. I do this three times a day for the next four weeks. Just call me a doggone sucker.

Aloha oe,

AJ. 

Currently watching : Must Love Dogs (Widescreen Edition) Release date: 2005-12-20