Current mood: breezy

Hi everyone!
I am feeling especially naughty today. I had a date last night. Yeah, I know, don't fall over. I already did. Unfortunately, it was pretty horrible, but this is my point in mentioning it.
The gods and goddesses of first dates were on my side last night because I got my revenge immediately! As in right there at the dinner table!
Yes, I, A.J. Llewellyn am still laughing my ass off!
So, here's how it went...
You know, there are just some dates that are so bad you should, man or woman, get up and leave the table before the menus even arrive. Unfortunately I was hungry and I had a blog to write and I think I was fascinated that anyone could be so...obnoxious.
He was one of those guys - and you know what I mean by this, but gay or straight - there is one type of guy you just cannot ever have a decent conversation with. I am talking about the Know-it-All. He didn't seem so bad over the phone and Lord knows our mutual friends have been trying long enough to get us to meet. He picked a place I love in the Hollywood Hills so I figured, what the hey?
Yeah, right. He's a wanna be everything this guy.
Before the garlic bread rolls even arrived, he made it clear that he knew more about writing erotic fiction than I did. He knew more about my home country of Australia than I did, despite the fact he's never been there. He knew more about freakin' everything than I did.
I was starting to get agitated. Unfortunately I have started measuring time by how many words I could have written in the time I took away from the 'puter to do something really stupid.
Then, bliss.
He was eating his pasta, talking with his mouth full and telling me what a dunce I was for thinking that writing erotic fiction was a worthy pursuit. I took offense at first, especially since I have met (e-met) some awesome people through my work and I love what I do. I love my characters too, who are very real to me. And I swear, it was like an invisible crack of thunder boomed and I noticed something black and furry at the bottom of Know it All's pasta dish. I stared as he kept shoveling more and more of what I realized was a great, big, hideous black spider into his mouth.
And he's telling me, "You're stupid. You know nothing."
By now even the waiter was staring in mute horror at the grotesque meal Know-it-All was shoveling down his flapping jaw. He happened to glance down at the precise moment he was about to dig in and finish off the last remaining hairy legs and the look on his face is one I wish I could bottle. He ran screaming and barfing to the restroom.
Our meal was comped and Know-it-All made such an ass of himself I will never have to worry about running into him again in that place...not that I am in a hurry to go back and sample spider in sage butter sauce.
But to the little angels who had my back last night, I owe you one.
Aloha oe,
A.J.

Currently listening : Beautiful View By Wendy Matthews Release date: 2001-08-14