Hi everyone,
I am fixated on underpants this week.
Not only is it National Underpants Week, but in a completely unrelated event, some goofball just spent $9,000 to own a pair of Queen Victoria's unmentionables (as my grandma used to call them) at auction.
Now, I understand that anything touched by a celebrity, especially something personal is worth a lot of money. I once attended a big studio party on the lot at Universal Studios and Law And Order: SVU star Mariska Hargitay left a half eaten sandwich on her plate and I watched two otherwise sane adults fight over that thing. I'm not sure how soon it wound up on Ebay, but you get the idea.
A few years ago I was ringside in Las Vegas for a big heavyweight showdown between Evander Holyfield and John Ruiz. I noticed at some point, Ruiz was having difficulty with his royal blue satin shorts and a few digs to the ribs later, they came tumbling down to his knees. His trainer had to duct tape those shorts to his middle or risk being disqualified.
At the time - and I still do - I recalled bitter disappointment that it was [sorry] unsexy John Ruiz's shorts that fell down and not Evander Holyfield's.
Life just ain't fair sometimes!!
But. big, giant granny panties (see photo above) like Queen Victoria's embarrassing, fifty-inch waisted bloomers just don't...turn me on.
If I was going to splurge on underpants, I'd go for somebody sexy and I'd sure want underpants what were just a little bit...er fresher than say, two hundred years old.
Have you checked out the website http://www.freshpair.com/ ? They are the ones sponsoring National Underpants Week and they take freshness very seriously.
So in the interests of truth, justice and the unmentionable way, here are my picks for top underpants I'd like to find in my closets in the not too distant future
1. David Beckham. I don't care how he bends a soccer ball - well actually, I do, but he's just hot, people!
2. Jeff Bridges. He's looking portly but dang. Still HOT!
3. Javier Bardem. This hot Spanish tamale has it all. Looks, talents, looks...
4. Erik Rhodes - my favorite gay male porn star, though in the few movies I've seen him in, he doesn't appear to own any underpants. Waaaaahh!
5. Gerard Butler. Gerard Butler. Gerard Butler. Sorry. I just love saying his name.
6. Gerard Depardieu, circa 1989. Right now, I don't think even the Queen's undies would fit him any more.
7. And finally, big drum roll....Johnny Depp. Although I'd prefer the man himself, I'd accept his underpants. In a pinch. If necessary.

So how about you? Who's underpants would you want in your wardrobe? And how much would you be willing to spend???

Aloha oe,
A.J.