Current mood: exotic

Hi everyone,

Did you happen to catch the 8,000 word piece The New Yorker did on actor Alec Baldwin this week? http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/09/08/080908fa_fact_parker?currentPage=all
Why Me? a fascinating glimpse into the addled mind of a troubled celebrity does nothing to make you feel a little warmer and fuzzier about the guy until you come across this little nugget:

"In East Hampton, I'm a nudist and I eat meat," Baldwin—a vegetarian—had said before my visit, expanding on the idea that he lived a quite different life on Long Island than he did in New York. "I shoot deer with a bow and arrow. I smoke the deer meat and eat it every morning with my eggs and toast. I am a homosexual. I listen to rock music, loud." We had met at his house. Baldwin was wearing sandals; his shirt was untucked. There was nobody else at home.

What a shock! Baldwin's a homo when he's on vacation!
Well, Alec, I'm a homo all the time and let me be your tour guide as you step out of the closet and hey, don't forget to recycle that closet door. It might make excellent kindling.
Firstly, if you come to Waikiki for a vacation, we're happy to accept you as a homo. Truly! I just took a glance outside the window and unhappily, I see no deer here...but there are a few chubby tourists - you know the kind, short shorts, long socks, sandals, shirts untucked, cameras in hand - just ripe for the picking.
Just don't pack that bow and arrow in your suitcase or you might find yourself enjoying a strip search with the accompanying anal probe.
Then again, being a Holiday Homo, you might enjoy that.
You enjoy being nude? Have at it. We homos love the male body in any form, but nekked works in almost any situation! Don't forget to pack the bongo drums!
Smoked deer with your eggs and toast? We here on the islands can do better than that. Ww have Portuguese sausage and it's smokin' good!
As for loud rock music, I've checked with a few other local homos and the consensus is you might truly be actually, completely, full-time gay if you enjoy things like art and music.
Your extremely bitchy references in other parts of the article to other shows on your network's lineup being "Cooked" and "Done" indicate you might know your way around the kitchen. Mmm...yes, you too, could be a home goddess underneath the bluster.
Alec, I think you could very well be an honest to goodness friend of Dorothy's, Alec. You sound horribly domesticated. But don't worry, it isn't contagious. Just hold your breath and let me be the first to welcome you to the dark side.
I'll leave the light on for ya.

Aloha oe,

A.J.

Currently listening : Taboo: The Exotic Sounds of Arthur Lyman By Arthur Lyman Release date: 1996-09-24