Current mood: amused

Hi everyone,

I am winding up my visit to Waikiki. I am still staying with my wonderful, batty friend Tony who had a near brush with homosexuality this week, only to discover he digs chicks after all. I hadn't seen him since Wednesday night when I left in the ample bosoms of two ladies visiting the islands from New York.
Let me tell you, maybe it's because I'm a gay man but these women scared me a little. They circled my poor, broken-hearted friend like tiger sharks on the blood hunt. Unfortunately he didn't want to be saved so I left him to it and I've been writing and editing upcoming books over in his apartment, hoping he isn't in some downtown sex dungeon servicing anyone called Bubba.
Last night, I was watching the TV news about surfing champion Todd Murashige's near death experience with a shark, as in a real shark in a surfing area known as Crouching Lions.
A day after being attacked on his board, this remarkable fellow was lucid and laughing in a press conference with his surgeon at Queen's Medical Center.
He described how he was sitting on his board waiting for a wave when the shark glided right up to him and tried to bite off his leg.
"I looked down and there's this huge shark's head just sitting in my lap." Murashige still looked stunned.
This amazing tale of seeing his entire right thigh trapped in the shark's jaws was interrupted by my mate Tony barreling into the house.
"Mate!" he huffed. "Mate! I had my first threesome!"
"That's...nice." Isn't that what you're supposed to say about these things? I mean, what else do you say? "Hey, nice going, stud." Yeah that was better. Tony was smiling now.
On the TV, Todd Murashige described putting his fingers in the shark's mouth to fight for his leg. "He cut my pinkie finger, but I got his teeth off me."
"Mate!" Tony paced the room and I saw he was wearing the same torn pants from Wednesday night but was now going Commando.
"The girls took my underpants as a souvenir." Tony grinned. "Mate, they were wild. They wouldn't let me out of the sack. I had to beg to go potty."
I looked at him. "Really?"
He nodded. On the TV, Todd Murashige described paddling for his life away from the shark.
"I turned to make sure the shark wasn't going to finish me off and I see, like a chunk of flesh kinda just hanging there from my leg. And bits of my board just floating..."
Tony nudged me. "One of them used a strap on and you know...shoved it up my you know what. Is that normal, AJ?"
"With women? I have no idea."
His eyes were wide and as Todd Murashige described another surfer, whom he called his angel, wrapping his thigh "like a piece of meat" to get him to the hospital, the surfer said he thought he would die so he called his mom and his wife and told them he loved them.
Murashige was momentarily overcome at the memory. I felt total admiration for his courage and his heart...but I had two different shark dialogues going on at once and I felt the one with Tony deserved my full attention.
"Tony, are you telling me you were raped?"
"Golly, no. I hollered like a scream queen but it felt good. I'm grabbing me a shower. The girls are picking me up in an hour. They're insatiable, AJ.''
Todd Murashige will walk again but his surgeon said it's up to the surfer if he goes back out to the beach. I suspect he will.
As for my mate Tony, he too will walk again, into the arms of his girl sharks.
And I will keep working on my books.
Aloha oe,
AJ

Currently watching : Jaws (30th Anniversary Edition) Release date: 2005-06-14