Current mood: chipper

Hi everyone,

So my friend Tony, an Aussie living in Hawaii and travels back and forth between the islands and the mainland for his bakery business, flew into town last night because my brother was visiting from Paris. We all grew up in Australia, went to the same private school, ridiculed each other's regulations short pants, hats and ties. It's been 20 years since I graduated and 18 for them.

Time slipped away as we gathered Chez Llewellyn to have a glass of champagne and toast our continuing friendship. My brother's new French girlfriend was bemused by Tony's angst over his sexuality.

"She gives me wood," he informed me in the kitchen. Thanks for sharing, big guy.  

My brother's girlfriend informed me she is just discovering what a freak he really is. They just came back from Morrocco where he went to take photographs and she did not appreciate being treated worse than the camels. Nor did she enjoy the brothel my brother unwittingly booked them into.

"Babe," he kept saying, "It was the only place with running hot water."

As a man living in Los Angeles, (my boyfriend, who lives in Canada and has sworn me to keep him out of my blogs says LA is for people who believe in hell) I was eager to share some of the fine, ethnic cuisine I enjoy/

Tony the Tiger and my brother, the French Crumpet were adamant they wanted to go to Moonshadows, the restaurant where Mel Gibson got arrested for drunk driving last year.

I tried to tell them the food is awful (sorry, but it is) and that Mel hasn't shown his face there since that fateful escapade, but off we went to Malibu and the only people cluttering up the joint were other tourists. I was the only person not toting a camera. Everybody wanted their photos with a drunken Mel who was probably at home sucking up a lager in privacy and comfort.

On the way home, Tony wanted to stop at Macy's and get a new shirt for a business meeting today. His luggage went AWOL and he was concerned about the meeting.

"I have to look good, mate. I have to close this deal," he fretted.

We went to the one in Santa Monica and we invaded the menswear department like multicultural fleas and this is where our problems started.

My brother's girlfriend was aghast at the prices of things and began peeling off sale price stickers from one shirt to another with well-versed fingers. She even managed to switch whole tickets from one garment to another.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. Everything's bar coded and I think it might be illegal," I warned her.

She already thinks I'm an idiot because I am not dating some hot movie star, so she ignored me.

"'Old Zees," she instructed Tony, pressing a shirt against his body. Tony, grateful for any type of female contact, stared into her eyes. Poor fool. Store security descended on him and the upshot is he was charged with ticket swapping and is due in court in three weeks.

"That does it," he told me when we were frog marched from the store. "I've had it with women. From now on, I'm strictly dickly."

Aloha oe,

A.J. 

Currently listening : Destiny By The Brothers Cazimero Release date: 2008-05-20